This week I wrote a blog…..lost it and then had to write it again……here it is:
This blog ties in with his weeks WASO theme. I have started with some of the things I have done, followed it with what I thought life would be like and then what life was like pre adoption. It’s a long one, I got carried away and there was so much more I could have written!
This week I have done a 1000 piece jigsaw & adult colouring for stress relief. I thought exercise would be my main source of stress relieving….it certainly was pre adoption.
This week I have done 9 washes and hoovered 3 times. I thought there would be plenty of washing and perhaps hoovering once a week. Pre adoption I did 3 washes a week and hoovered maybe once a fortnight!
This week I have barely got to school on time. I thought my kids would mostly do as I ask and never realised how much they would struggle with transitions. In my imagination we would arrive nice and calmly and in plenty of time. Pre adoption I was always on time and generally arrived calm!
This week I have been shouted and sworn at by my kids. I never imagined I would get this at such a young age or that I would react as calmly and therapeutically as I do (mostly).
This week I have had to chase PAS SW again. I first asked for support last September. We had an initial assessment of need although I have only just two weeks ago seen a copy of that report. I asked for a further assessment in January. This was started at the end of March. Still haven’t seen a report and no application to ASF made. I can’t see us actually getting any support out of this within the year and then of course the results will be gradual. In the meantime we have to carry on which is affecting the health of us all. I thought if I asked for support I would get it. Pre adoption I had never had to ask for support.
This week I have met up with friends….none of which I knew before we adopted but who are a great support. Most of them are adopters themselves. I thought I would be catching up with existing friends and hoped I would have some new ones – probably parents of the kids my kids go to school with. In reality most of these parents – with a few notable exceptions don’t get it. Sadly some of my old friends don’t get it and have disappeared.Pre adoption most of my friends I met through work.
This week I have helped run a support group. I thought after a year I would be back at work. In reality our kids needs are too extensive for that and I don’t see this changing in the foreseeable future. I didn’t imagine that the only work I would be doing would be voluntary. Pre adoption I had a career! Enough said.
This week I have had to do the walk of shame at school pick up time. I imagined I would collect the kids and be regaled about their achievements at school that day. Pre adoption the “walk of shame” meant something completely different….and obviously I never did that one.
This week I have had to explain the impact of FASD on behaviour for the umpteenth time to teachers at the school. I thought professionals would be knowledgeable and trained in areas that will affect children’s learning – at the very least they would be open and eager to learn. Pre adoption I wouldn’t say boo to a goose where professionals were concerned.
This week I have continued trying to explain where Grandad has gone (he passed away a few weeks ago). This certainly wasn’t part of the plan…he was only 59. I can barely get my head around death let alone helping a 3 and 6 year old understand it. Pre adoption I only really had to worry about myself and HH handling these kinds of emotions.
This week I went out out with HH and we both had a lovely time. I was realistic about our social life being affected….Pre adoption we could go out on a whim and with no real worries about logistics.
This week I have shown GG piccies on the Internet of a new place we are going to for a birthday party. I never thought we would have to do this level of planning to cope with new places and transitions nearly 5 years post placement. Pre adoption,if we were going to a new place, we would just go. Gosh life was simple.
This week I attended theraplay with BB and have been trying to incorporate theraplay games into our day to improve our attachment. Once I knew we were going to adopt I guessed I figured there may be some kind of therapy required. Pre adoption I would never have considered engaging in any kind of therapy…except maybe physio.
This week I took the kids to a forest school. Yeah….I guess I hoped we would do nice things like this…a tick in that box. Pre adoption….a forest….for a gig maybe.
This week I delayed coming home to avoid bedtime (sorry HH). I have sat by GG’s bed scratching her back, rubbing her feet whilst listening to an audible story with a soothing light changer on until she has gone to sleep. I never imagined that bedtime would be so challenging and triggering. I imagined after some settling….I would put the kids to bed…kiss them good night, tell them I love them and go down stairs to spend time with HH. Pre adoption….bedtimes, well I just cleaned my teeth, got pj’s on and went to sleep….oh if only I had appreciated that more at the time.
This week I have been counting the sleeps until I go away for a couple of nights with @lover_gin. I imagined I would still be able to catch up with friends who don’t live locally….gosh I was naive. Pre adoption I would often pop away over night to visit friends or have a romantic weekend away with HH.
This week I have planted strawberries and carrots with the kids. Yes…I thought we would do this…just maybe didn’t realise how tricky it might be. Another tick in the box.
This week I have comfort ate more times than I wish to count.I thought I would be able to keep my weight in control having changed my lifestyle around food to loose over 4 stone 2 years before adopting. Now I need to start from scratch.
This week I have cooked quick easy meals for the kids and then quick meals with minimal effort once the kids are asleep for us.I imagined I would make meals from scratch – one healthy meal that we could all eat. Pre adoption I had time to cook nice healthy meals….on occasions I even managed 3 course meals.
This week I feel like I have been walking around picking up things after the kids pretty much all week. I thought with some training the kids would learn to tidy up after themselves…or at least would tidy when asked. Pre adoption – we both tidied up after ourselves.
This week I have refereed a ridiculous number of fights between GG and HH. I expected some sibling spats….but not as frequent as they are. I didn’t anticipate the sheer level of competitiveness between them. Pre adoption the only sibling fights were in my memory from my childhood.
This week I have not felt very organised. I imagined I would be super organised, bags packed night before, lists to follow, know where everything is and where the kids had to be at what time and plan everything out in advance….military precision.Pre adoption I was super organised….how I miss that version of me.
How our lives have changed. Yes life was easier pre adoption. We never in our wildest dreams imagined how challenging and stressful it would be.
There are aspects of our pre adoption life I miss…just sometimes I would love to pop out with no planning, spend more quality time with HH, get more sleep!
But I wouldn’t change my life. There are many moments that fill my heart with love, make me feel fuzzy and warm and make all the challenges worthwhile. Moments that I will treasure.
This week my daughter has told me that she loves me on her own initiative. 💕
This week the kids have shown great love for each other and been very caring towards each other. 💕
This week I have had individual time and lots of cuddles with both kids. 💕
This week I have heard the beautiful sound of my children laughing. 💕
This week I have been called into class to be shown the great work GG did and a cute video of BB being a monkey. 💕
This week GG went to a new place and took part in an activity that I thought would be too much for her with her sensory difficulties and enjoyed it. 💕
However hard things are for us I am certain it is harder for our kids. We have the mental capacity to understand what has happened, why and the associated behaviours.
Everyday they feel me with love and pride…for their character, for their bravery.